


When I Can't Look Into Your Eyes

by toweringpines



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 17:09:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5464397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toweringpines/pseuds/toweringpines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It hurts the most, when you can't look into the eyes of the one you love.</p><p> </p><p>(I'll tag as I go, and I can't assign a rating yet, but you're probably fine reading if you're okay watching Naruto Shippuden or that awful scene in Attack on Titan with that creepy smiling titan thing. You know the one.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I Can't Look Into Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm desperately in need of a super awesome person who would enjoy being my even super awesomer beta. My email is on my profile (don't abuse it please), along with a short speech on me needing a beta if you're interested.

Naruto watched the civilians and ninja who passed his balcony. His habit had only grown stronger with the gaping hole he felt in his chest whenever he thought about the casual human interaction and touches the people below him took so lightly. Craving compelled him to stare outside for hours on end after even his attempts to play with children from the academy had failed.

By now Naruto had probably memorized every face that regularly passed by the street his apartment faced, and everyone they seemed friendly towards as they passed. The civilians seemed to have many friends who they regularly walked with, and though some of the shinobi did too, most of them seemed to stick to small groups or no one at all, like that one man with the strange silver hair- although, he might have friends, he could just not walk with them- and all of the ANBU who rarely passed by were always silent and alone, or in teams that were mechanical and indifferent to each other instead of close knit. Sometimes it made him think that a shinobi's life was meant to be lonely, but then the other ninja, and the kids at the Academy wouldn't socialize. He was confused, and the constant emptiness tore at him everyday.

Some of the people who passed fascinated him more than others, like that silver-haired man in the standard issue flak jacket, who kept one of his eyes covered and a mask over his face. He was a complete loner as far as Naruto could see, and whenever he passed, whether using the roofs or street, it was with a strange orange book in his hand. Naruto was pretty sure the book was for perverts because it was in the perverted store that had the skimpily-clad civilian lady on their sign. Naruto scrunched up his nose in disgust. The man was compelling because even though Naruto had thought he was aloof at first, the man had looked directly at Naruto with his one dark eye, when Naruto was staring at him from inside the door of the balcony, and if he was really that disinterested in the environment, then he would not have seen Naruto, or at least tripped over the fallen tree branch in his path that day instead of hopping over it gracefully.

Although the man had stared at him without seeming threatening or disgusted (although Naruto couldn't tell properly because of the mask), Naruto didn't want to approach him. He had made that mistake when he had greeted a lady holding a basket of flowers, because she didn't radiate 'I hate you', and gotten shouted at.

The other were a pair consisting of a dark-haired boy of about thirteen, whose brother he recognized as that show-off Uchiha who went to the Academy with him. He didn't dislike the Uchiha, but he certainly disliked the fact that he did better than him in everything from the taijutsu spars Iruka-sensei supervised to basic ninjutsu practice. Naruto frowned remembering that he should practice his shuriken and kunai throwing. He wasn't doing too well with them.

He got up from his seat at the door of the balcony and gathered his rather cheap shrunken and kunai collection to throw at the target on the wall. He dully threw them, missing most of the time, but not bothering to care as he continued his reverie about the Uchiha brothers.

The primary reason he found them interesting was because of Sasuke, but he couldn't deny that he was jealous of their brotherly bond which seemed more profound that most that he had observed. Several sibling pairs at the Academy seemed to be constantly at odds with each other, and he couldn't understand it when they said that siblings always fight. If he was lucky enough to have a sibling he would never fight them. His strongest yearning was for parental love, but the idea of brotherly affection was also very appealing. Hell, he'd take anything he could get.

The last shuriken whizzed out of his hand and found his mark on the target, so he got up to retrieve it along with the other projectiles that'd also hit the bullseye and the others that hadn't.

He sat back on his bed and monotonously threw them again and again until it had gotten significantly darker outside, noting that he'd improved slightly in the hour or so of practice. That was one of the only things the Academy teachers complimented him on. Usually, if he practised something, he improved quickly, but not without determination and a strong drive, so he was surprised that the actions he'd been repeating with all the enthusiasm of the Hokage doing paperwork had led to any improvement at all. He shrugged it off, not really feeling driven at this particular time. The gaping hole was particularly consuming today, because Iruka-sensei had ignored his pleas for attention -thinly disguised as pranks- determinedly, even when he'd hidden the chalk. Iruka had just sighed as if he was simply tired of Naruto and gone to the class next-door and borrowed some from Mizuki-sensei- the bastard who gave Naruto those same repulsed glares as strangers on the streets did and graded down his tests when he drew on them. Naruto was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to do that.

Naruto jerked as he heard the kettle go off, he hadn't even remembered filling it up and putting it on, but it was done. He opened a convenience store ramen cup and filled it with water, and waited the required time, then gave it an extra minute to make sure the noodles were cooked through and tender. He sat on his bed and crossed his legs, holding the warm cup close to his chest. He slurped at his favourite comfort food and picked out noodles distractedly, eating with a lacklustre attitude that would have alarmed anyone who knew about his love for ramen. But nobody knew him well enough to know about that besides Iruka-sensei, who didn't seem to care, old man Hokage, who couldn't indulge him constantly, and Teuchi-san, who occasionally allowed him a free meal- bless his soul- despite the fact that it was both bad for his business and came out of his own pocket, as Naruto barely had enough to pay for his immediate needs with the small checks he got from welfare, let alone fresh ramen, without being able to go on missions or get a part-time civilian job (no one would take him).

When the noodles were finished, Naruto threw away the cup and tossed the re-usable chopsticks into the ever-growing pile of cutlery in the sink. He took a quick shower in the cold water that his run-down apartment provided and went back to the window, a list of people who should pass at this time of the night running through his head.

It was a subconscious thing, but also useful as a shinobi skill. Once, it had even allowed him to tell when someone was dead. The approximately fifteen year-old brown-haired shinobi who had never passed genin level stopped passing by a month ago, and after three weeks, which was longer than genin were usually sent on mission. Naruto had checked the memorial stone, and sure enough there was a name there that he'd heard someone on the street use when speaking to the brown-haired teen. It was plausible that the man had moved, but Naruto's apartment faced the same street that lead directly to the only non-secret entrance to the Hokage's Tower, so all shinobi had to pass by unless they were ANBU or something of the likes to get missions from the missions' office or debrief. It had seemed unlikely that the teen had gotten promoted, so the logical assumption had been that he was dead, and he didn't usually use the roofs like the ANBU and silver haired man usually did, so even when Naruto sat where he could see the passers-by on the roof, he didn't really expect to see him.

After he'd counted off everyone on his list, Naruto resigned himself to another lonely night in the bed he hadn't made that morning, and slipped into it, tugging on his nightcap, and turning off the lights. 

After what he judged to be about two hours after he'd fallen asleep, he was woken up by sirens that singled that the village was in a state of emergency. He jumped up with a start, tugging off his nightcap and reaching blindly for the weapons holster that should be on his nightstand while he unbuttoned his nightshirt to pull on something more appropriate, but stopped when an ANBU with a kitty mask appeared at his balcony, gesturing for him to open up the closed door. Naruto pulled his unbuttoned shirt back over his shoulders and disabled the kunai traps then opened it. The ANBU cautiously stepped inside, "Hands up above your head and far apart." he ordered. "Do not try to resist protocol and do not put your hands together, form seals or anything else that can and will be seen as resisting."

"Yeah, what happened?" Naruto asked, complying with the standard protocol for when an enemy nin was thought to be inside the village. The ANBU did not answer and ignored all of Naruto's questions, as his duty required him to. He did a quick and thorough sweep of the apartment for any enemies, foreign chakra and things of that nature, not commenting on the deteriorating state of the kitchen, then left to go on to the next apartment, telling Naruto to stay inside and inform the nearest shinobi if he saw anything suspicious. 

Naruto frowned and closed his balcony door, which automatically set his traps back, since the projectiles hadn't been used. He scratched at his head, not wanting to go back to sleep in the middle of an emergency.

He buttoned up his shirt and attached his holster to his pyjama pants, then moved his single kitchen chair in front of the balcony, and sat there wrapped in a blanket. He managed to stay awake, watching the swarms of ANBU and Jounin pass by until a second alarm was sounded between five and six hours later, consisting of two loud screeches that sounded like his blonde harpy of a classmate, signified that the village was back to a normal state- that is 'we're all paranoid shinobi, but you can probably go to sleep now as long as you've trapped every entrance to your home,'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I've got a lot of spare time on my hands for some odd reason, so I'm trying to do something useful with my it, like improve my rather dubious writing skills. I suck at dialogue, you'll probably see that later so I apologize in advance. It's like I can't hold a conversation even in my head, which is mildly concerning, but what the hell. I'd appreciate you're feedback and if I have any errors, I won't kill you for pointing them out, as I don't have a beta. Also, I'm in need of a beta if you didn't see the note above the chapter. My profile has a vague speech on needing a beta if you're interested.
> 
> I'll add tags for this story as I go, but not much cannon divergence here, except for a few things which I thought were stupid and needed to go. Thanks for reading!


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